peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
