Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
