Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
