You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
