Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
