Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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