i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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