I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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