Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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