it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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