ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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