Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize