I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
