This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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