Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
