its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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