I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
