I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
