Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I need a beard to bite.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
