do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
