I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
