Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
