What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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