Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
tell me about the eggs
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
