Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
