I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
