So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
