You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I have tasted many bathrooms
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
