Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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