M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
