I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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