The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think people are normalizing furries
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
