when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
