I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
