you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
