omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
