I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize