Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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