It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
