you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize