hell yes lets make some ravioli
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
