false alarm. still invincible.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
