Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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