i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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