Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
