this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
