Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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