He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
