hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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