Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
