Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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