these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
