I murdered the dance floor call the cops
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
