I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
