woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
false alarm, still single
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize