I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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