dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
