I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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