you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Randomize