Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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