I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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