I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
