I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize