oh god the rape fog is back!
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
