Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
