I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize