we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she peed on how many people?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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