I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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