I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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